Sometimes you think that things will go better day by day but you find yourself wrong. What will you feel if things get worst than you thought?? These things I was feeling those days. After my result I was depressed but then I kept telling myself that if I seat like this things will get worse. I kept saying to myself that some things good will happen.
In October 3,2013 my admission exam started. As I could not give exam in engineering university so I gave exam in almost all renowned universities in the country. I used to travel in night with my parents to give exam in the morning. We do not have combined exam system so we have to go to that university and give exam each time for each university. these things continues till February,2014. All the results published day by day and I found out that I did not get chance in a single university. I don't know why.Its not that I haven't study,I studied more but I think I got afraid of those exam. My brain did not work while I was giving exam. I actually do not know what happened. Each time I saw the result and my name was not in any sheet. My parents were so heart broken and so am I. but eventually I started to feel nothing about all these. I did not get any support from my family and friends. My family relatives again started to taunt me saying various things. I felt fed up. My parents started to tell me to get admit in a private university but I did not ever want do get admitted in a private university because they charge a lot. I know it will be very difficult for my parents to bear my expenses.
By the by the that year of exam passed. Then I thought to give myself an another chance. I told my parents that I wanted to give second time admission exam with the next batch. My father was against it and he told me he would not let me to skip a year. But I was determined as I wanted to study in Dhaka University. After some days I atlast conveinced my parents about it and they agreed. But to be honest I was much more depressed by then. So many time I thought to suicide but some where in my mind I kept saying myself Lets see the end!
I could not study in March-April that year as I was so much disturbed. I gave time to myself. I used to sat in my room the whole time,passed some time in the internet,read blogs or saw youtube videos.
After that my parents got me admitted in a local coaching center for second time exam. I took that very seriously and started to study more. I also took a private tutor in my home. Again I started to study from the bottom. I read every single topics from my books, bought some more books as a guide line. I kept awaking all night long. Sometimes I got more depressed, sometimes I found some hope and again lost it. These things were happining day by day.
I wish I could write the every single feeling on this blog post but I am unable to write it. Actually I do not remember how I exactly felt those times. Whenever I walked in the street or go somewhere and found some known person. They always asked me where are you studying? or Where did you get chance? I answered with a sad face that I am a second timer. I remember their face was full of negligence that I was some kind of failur or they make a poor face to me. My parents made my life hell of taking about private universities 24/7. I do not know how they can say about it as we do not have much money but they made myself feel that I was unable to get admission in second time. I had a dream of getting admitted in public university so I stuck onto that. I could not study properly because of them,I could not concentrate only because of them.
I gave random exam in the coaching for the main test. I studied alot but again I do not know why I always got a very poor marks. Inspite of all these I did not lose hope. I do not know now how I was mentally so strong then. I barely smile that time.
Some of my classmates got chance already in a good university but I was there where I was in the last year. I tried to move on but did not get a chance to move on because I did not know how I can move on...
In October 3,2013 my admission exam started. As I could not give exam in engineering university so I gave exam in almost all renowned universities in the country. I used to travel in night with my parents to give exam in the morning. We do not have combined exam system so we have to go to that university and give exam each time for each university. these things continues till February,2014. All the results published day by day and I found out that I did not get chance in a single university. I don't know why.Its not that I haven't study,I studied more but I think I got afraid of those exam. My brain did not work while I was giving exam. I actually do not know what happened. Each time I saw the result and my name was not in any sheet. My parents were so heart broken and so am I. but eventually I started to feel nothing about all these. I did not get any support from my family and friends. My family relatives again started to taunt me saying various things. I felt fed up. My parents started to tell me to get admit in a private university but I did not ever want do get admitted in a private university because they charge a lot. I know it will be very difficult for my parents to bear my expenses.
By the by the that year of exam passed. Then I thought to give myself an another chance. I told my parents that I wanted to give second time admission exam with the next batch. My father was against it and he told me he would not let me to skip a year. But I was determined as I wanted to study in Dhaka University. After some days I atlast conveinced my parents about it and they agreed. But to be honest I was much more depressed by then. So many time I thought to suicide but some where in my mind I kept saying myself Lets see the end!
I could not study in March-April that year as I was so much disturbed. I gave time to myself. I used to sat in my room the whole time,passed some time in the internet,read blogs or saw youtube videos.
After that my parents got me admitted in a local coaching center for second time exam. I took that very seriously and started to study more. I also took a private tutor in my home. Again I started to study from the bottom. I read every single topics from my books, bought some more books as a guide line. I kept awaking all night long. Sometimes I got more depressed, sometimes I found some hope and again lost it. These things were happining day by day.
I wish I could write the every single feeling on this blog post but I am unable to write it. Actually I do not remember how I exactly felt those times. Whenever I walked in the street or go somewhere and found some known person. They always asked me where are you studying? or Where did you get chance? I answered with a sad face that I am a second timer. I remember their face was full of negligence that I was some kind of failur or they make a poor face to me. My parents made my life hell of taking about private universities 24/7. I do not know how they can say about it as we do not have much money but they made myself feel that I was unable to get admission in second time. I had a dream of getting admitted in public university so I stuck onto that. I could not study properly because of them,I could not concentrate only because of them.
I gave random exam in the coaching for the main test. I studied alot but again I do not know why I always got a very poor marks. Inspite of all these I did not lose hope. I do not know now how I was mentally so strong then. I barely smile that time.
Some of my classmates got chance already in a good university but I was there where I was in the last year. I tried to move on but did not get a chance to move on because I did not know how I can move on...
:( thnx fr keep faith in urself .. the hardest part is gone :) nw see whr u r ,, it is 1.2 and r ur keep moving to a bright future :)
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